I Am Not Alone

Darker seasons. Broken heart. Heavy Burdens.
Frivolity seen at a distance.

The Lighter fair of Christmas providing a contrast that teases and mocks.

Indifference. Caring but not wanting to.

Tired.
Old.
Too young to feel this old.
Don't touch! I hurt all over.

Deep hurt.
A hurt that goes into the marrow and radiates outward.
Encompassing hurt.
A thick dull pain that envelops my heart so that its beating for something that matters is a wisp of a memory long ago.

Nerves frayed at the edges. Thin like old cloth a hairs breath away from dust.

The desire to melt away. To curl under heavy blanket.

I am in utter need.

Need of grace.
Need of Love.
Need of Acceptance.
Need of praise.
Need of belonging.
Need of filling.

Let your grace be my sufficiency this day, this hour, this moment.
I am not alone.

The Bottom Line

Impacting the bottom line.

The kinds of shitty words business people use.

Excellence, Leadership, Efficient, Resource, Leverage.

The language of commerce.

The dictionary of the baby boomer.

Features and benefits, Climbing ladders, Polishing Personas

Dead men walking with a candy coated shell.

I see right through you.

Right to the center of your tiny pathetic heart.

Coffee

Nourishment to the writer's soul.

Keeper of the warm memories and comforting thoughts.

Black, deep, sophisticated.

All that is good and pure. As God intended.

As long as you don't fuck it up with milk.

On Being Happy

There are people that say that depression is a choice.

Maybe it is.

They say that joy is a fucking inside job.

Maybe they're right.

Maybe I am just a glass half empty guy.

or

Maybe reality really does blow.

Maybe the depressed aren't depressed.

Maybe they just have a better handle on reality than the rest of us.

Maybe the glass isn't half full or half empty.

Maybe the glass just has a lot of really shitty water in it.

Cheers Asshole.

Everything

Everything comes. Everything goes. Hopefully it comes before it goes.

Everything turns. Everything returns.

Again and again.

Nauseatingly dizzy to think about.

Everything strives.

Always wanting, desiring, reaching.

Everything dies.

The final surrender.

Everything comes. Everything goes.

Unremarkable moments in time.

All These Words

All these words. Stumbling. Bumbling.

Like teen-agers having sex. Messy but proud.

Communication broken. Words are clumsy things.

Inadequate for the saying.

Words.

They don't rise to the task do they.?

Words.

The biggest barrier to expression.

To reality.

To feeling.

Yet all these words are what we have.

Frustrating though they are